I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
