its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
