Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
