alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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