Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
