I just saw a hot homeless man
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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