you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
