I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
