Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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