why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Two words: blizzard sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
