Tell her she can't have a vagina
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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