I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
