I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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