My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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