I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
