I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
