SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
