make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
