do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
