Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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