??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
