Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
