Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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