did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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