I want to walk on stilts...naked
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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