Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
