My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
