I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
