i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
