handjob tips. give me some.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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