Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
