i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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