as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
