so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
