omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish there were birth control emojis
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
