Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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