Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
