please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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