My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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