She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
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