I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
