Yo dont text me then not text me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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