Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
