She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
