I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
