someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
