Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
