Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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