How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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