i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
