you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Can you repeat that, but with context?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
