I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
