i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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