I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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