Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
