i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I deserve this hangover.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
