It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
