Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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