Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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