Some one left their pants in the elevator.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
