I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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