forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize