so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize