i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
