I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize