Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize