just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
