ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm having to shit out rocks
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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