I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
