he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
