i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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