my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
