I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
